Thursday, October 3, 2013

The love of a Savior, the pain of His suffering, without regret!

The joy!  The joy to be that sacrifice!  The joy to pay your price!  To know, nothing can separate us.  Blessed! Blessed to have given, that I may now receive! The joy to be your strength!  The joy to be your Savior.  That I could and you recognized.  That I did and you received.  It was all I wanted.  It was all I longed for!  Oh, how I missed your presence.  How I missed your gaze.  But now I miss no more.  You are the joy of the Lord!

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Never have I ever

Never have I ever wanted to live in South Carolina I've moved there twice.

Never have I ever liked working out I became a personal trainer

Never have I ever wanted to be a missionary I joined Youth With a Mission (YWAM)

Never have I ever wanted to live in Florida again I moved to Jacksonville, FL

Never have I ever wanted a Chihuahua it's my dog

Never have I ever been more convinced that God's plans are SO much better than mine!!!

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The relationship begins.

The first lesson God taught me through my dog was the practical view of what it was going to be like to start a relationship with God.  

When I first took my dog home, he was ok with the whole situation until he realized that his entire life as he knew it was changing.  All seemed great when I was holding him and loving on him, but when He finally noticed that everything he had ever known to be his life was no where to found in his surroundings, he PANICKED!!  He proceeded to hide from me and cry and cry and cry.  It was pitiful!  I kept trying to reassure him that I was going to take care of him, love him, give him all he needed and more.  My efforts to comfort him left him no less sold on the idea of his future.  He was scared and upset and there weren't enough cookies and sweet talk in the world to make him feel better at that moment.  Over the new few days, weeks, months and years, our relationship flourished.  The first few days were pretty rough.  I would go to work and he would cry.  I wasn't really sure if he was crying because he was alone, because he missed his old life/family or because he missed me.  Pretty sure it was a combination of all of the above.  Over time, he began to realize that even though I left for a bit, I would always come back.  He also learned that relying on me for food, comfort and love was a safe thing to do.  And so trust began to develop.

I still remember when I first decided to accept Christ as my Lord and Savior.  It was like the first time I brought my dog home, only this time, I was the dog.  I was completely ok with the whole situation until I realized my entire life as I knew it was changing.  I then went into a great PANIC!  I was scared, upset and wasn't fully convinced this was a good idea and it didn't matter how much I was reassured and comforted by God and others, I was not completely sold on the idea of my future as a Christian.  Obviously this happened over a span of many days, months and even years, but it very much resembled how my dog reacted as we developed our relationship.  I missed my old life/family and the things I had become so used to and comfortable with in my life.  It really didn't matter if those things were the best things for me, it was what I knew and I felt better in the known than in the unknown.  Then I encountered the first time I felt like God wasn't with me, which He always is even though I wasn't convinced because my feelings said otherwise, and I cried and cried. I'm not sure if I was crying because I missed my old life, because I felt alone or because I missed Him, but I'm pretty sure it was all of the above.  Overtime, I began to realize that even though I felt like He left, in reality, He was always there.  I also began to realize that relying on Him was a safe thing to do and so the trust in God began to develop.  

Please notice I said "develop".  It is an ongoing process.  Today I have a stronger and better relationship with God than I did yesterday and tomorrow it will be a new lesson and an even more solid relationship, but it is an ever flourishing process. 

A dog....really?

So about 8 years ago God sent me a dog.  I know it might sound strange, but I really believe that He has His hand in EVERYTHING, therefore I give no credit to coincidence.  I really wanted a dog.  I would complain about not having one on a regular basis, telling my mom that I was going to die earlier because I didn't have a dog.  I know it sounds super over dramatic, but now in hindsight, there may have been some truth to that, regarding spiritual life or death.  Anyway, as much as I wanted a dog, I knew I didn't want a Chihuahua.  I had so many preconceived notions of what this breed of dog was going to be like, because I had seen his kind before.  I wanted a dog that was far "cuter", less yappie, less skiddish and, frankly, a little bit more popular.  I wanted a Yorkie!  Well, in my very well thought out plan of getting a dog, I ended up getting  the breed of dog I never wanted.  I got a Chihuahua.  (I know, you just cringed.) 

Side note, I love large dogs, but my living arrangement didn't allow me to choose a large breed dog, so I opted for a small one.

Ok, back to my story.  I honestly "stumbled" across the dog.  I was determined to get a Yorkie!  I just knew a Yorkie would make all things right in my world.  I researched them, took breed compatibility tests (that kept telling me to get a Chihuahua, so I thought they were garbage and kept taking them hoping it would change it's mind or someone would reconfigure the algorithms that kept producing such bad results), I searched online everything possible about Yorkies.  I just knew that I knew what would best suit my life, even though everything possible was leading me in the direction of a Chihuahua.  So one day I'm talking to this lady I had just met and mention that I am dying for a Yorkie.  I still don't know why I would have shared that information with this woman I really didn't know, but it turns out that her dog just had a litter of puppies and she was selling them and only had 1 left.  It was like music to my ears.......until she told me it was a Long Haired CHIHUAHUA.  I graciously told her I had no interest in owning a Chihuahua and wished her luck in selling her puppy.  After much convincing, and a little bit of threatening from my friends, I ended up with the puppy.  I had no idea who much my life was about to change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've learned SO many things from my dog!  There are too many lessons to fit them all in this post, so I will add them in future posts.  

Sunday, August 18, 2013


Overwhelmed, not by my own love, but by His willingness to love me! 
I remember as a young girl, I would rate someone's love for me on a gauge of what they were willing to do for me.  I so often would end up disappointed by the barter system of love.  I now realize, those that love me, just love me.  It had nothing to do with if they always did what I wanted, but just a desire to love me that far exceeded my desire to be loved.  Sounds crazy!

His desire to love me, far exceeds my desire to be loved! That's what makes His love a perfect love!  It is not conditional on me!  Can we truly love based on our heart's desire to love others, instead of their desire to be loved?  Many say they want to be loved, but most don't feel they deserve it so they shun it, sabotage it or put conditions on how they are willing to receive it. 

If He loves me 100%, all the time because that is all He wants to do, then the perfection of His love has nothing to do with me.  I control the reception of love.  My desire to be loved by another is what changed when I rated love.  If a person didn't do what I wanted, I didn't want their love.  Why?  Because it fell short of my love gauge and if you didn't fall within a certain range on my love gauge, then I simply didn't want your love. It clearly wasn't worth much.  So wrong! 

Love is worth more than gold! It is worth more than life!

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Just a dash

A pinch of this and a dash of that can really change the end result of a recipe.  Usually, those are the elements that take if from good to AMAZING.  You can't leave out any of the major components in a recipe because it will completely change the result, but when it calls for a dash of something and you leave it out you always notice it's "missing just a little something".  

Well, I know there are some dashes of this and that where used when I was made.  I'm not completely sure what they are, but I know they were intentionally placed.  I like to think of these as gifts.  They are like a little special something that makes me unique.  I often see people, myself included, trying to hide the very gifts that were so intentionally placed in them.  If I identify a dash of something in myself, that most people don't have, I immediate think that something is wrong.  I can even get to the point of resenting it.  

I feel like so much comes from that little added ingredient if I just let it shine in my daily life.  

The question is, how can I find out what that little gift is?  I'm sure there are a ton of ways to figure it out, but I'd say the easiest, and most obvious, way to find out is to ask God.  If He made me, wouldn't it only make sense that He would know all of the components used to take me from good to amazing?  Wouldn't He know why that unique gift was important?  Couldn't He tell me how He wants me to use it?  Why am I often so afraid to ask? 

Thursday, August 15, 2013

I Love!

I love! 
I love because You first loved me! 
I love because it’s who You are and You made me in Your image, which means that’s also who I am. 
I love because it brings me joy. 
I love because if I don’t it hurts. 
I want to keep loving!  In ways I never knew I could love, in depths I never knew possible. 
I love, love! 
I love to love! 
I love to be love! 
I love from places I didn’t even know I could! 
If I love from the overflow of the love You pour into me, then WOW!  I am touched, humbled, overjoyed, overwhelmed, filled, STUFFED! 
How can You love me SO much?  Why do You love me so much?
As I try to put words to love I just realize, Love IS! 
Thank you, Daddy for loving me in ways and magnitudes I can’t wrap my head around!  Please let me love now! 
I want to love You!  Love Your children!  Love myself!
Got it!